TWFE Detroit Lions season preview, part 2: Defense

As unimpressive as the Detroit Lions offense has been during the preseason exhibition season, the defense has looked even worse. To steal a line from idiot savant Ralph Wiggum, "That's unpossible!" Yet, it's true. Surprsing, as Sgt. Rod Marinelli was known as a defensive line shaman, and a disciple of the NFL's current flavor of the month, the Tampa 2 defense. The the new defensive coordinator, Donnie Henderson, brought impressive credentials as well.

Unfortunately, the results of installing the Tampa 2 have been uninspiring at best, and horrible at worst. For example, we've all seen how that trick play, the draw, has eaten up Detroit's version of the Tampa 2. Third and long? There is no such thing against Detroit's Tampa 2. The opposition converting on 3rd down has been a given.

Over the years, conventional wisdom was that the D-line was the strength of the team. And for years, the D-line has been frustratingly average. The stud of the defense is tackle Shawn Rogers, and he is a great player. A great player every third play, that is. The rest of the time? Frustratingly average. For this entire decade, we've been told that end Kalimba Edwards was going to the the best edge rusher this area has seen since Bubba Baker was terrorizing the NFL. For this entire decade we've seen nothing close to that from Kalimba Edwards. The rest of the D-line is manned with solid, servicable players, who rarely, if ever, make plays. Sgt. Marinelli has yet to put his stamp on what is supposedly his area of expertise.

The Lions' roster of linbackers are as brittle as Dominic Hasek's groin. Joe Namath would take one look at Boss Bailey's knees and say, "I want to kiss you." "And I thought my knees were bad..." Teddy Lehman has spent more time on the disabled and PUP lists than on the field. 1st round pick Ernie Sims has to be brought inside on windy days, as a stiff wind may give him a concussion. He's one big hit away from having to wear a drool cup under his chin. The rest of the linebackers, like the D-line, is manned with solid, servicable players, who rarely, if ever, make plays. Sense a trend here?

The other stud of the Lion D is conerback Dre' Bly. If there is one player that makes "Plays" on the Lion roster, Bly is it. As for the other corner, Fernando Bryant, just refer back to my observations of the Oakland game. If Bryant isn't getting hurt, he's getting burnt. The nickle, dime, and backup CB's are basically a bunch of servicable no-names that we only notice when they blow a coverage. Which happens often, as you can tell from the defense's inability to get off the field on 3rd down.

For years, Lions have started safeties who can hit, but are slow and have hands of stone. Bennie Blades and Mark Carrier being 2 of the more recent examples. Big hitters, but they couldn't catch a cold. Kenoy Kennedy, Daniel Bullocks, and Terrence Holt are in that same mold. Again, they are an OK group, but when was the last time you saw a Lion safety make a big play? More often, you see them being late to the play, such as the Randy Moss TD in the 3rd preseason exhibition game. They got to Moss alright, just after he had the ball...

During the Matt Millen era, the Lions defense have been consistently lacking in 2 areas. That being speed, and a lack of "Playmakers." Thing is, they go hand in hand. You never see the Lions making late game plays. The big sack, causing a fumble, the spectacular pick, busting thru the O-line on goal line stands, it just doesn't happen. The next 3rd and long stop the Lions make in the preseason exhibition season, it will be the first. Save for Bly, and Rogers on every 3rd play, do you see any "Playmakers" on the Lions' D? I sure don't.

This is the least enthused I've been about an upcoming Lions' season since the dark days of the Darryl Rogers years. Sure, the beat writers continually say that Sgt. Marinelli has the Lions on the right track. Those same writers also warn that they may take 2 steps back, before they make any moves forward. The constant refrain is "Patience." Thst is the LAST thing a long suffering Lion fan needs to hear. I ran out of "Patience" during the Monte Clark era, and that was more than 2 decades ago.

Screw patience, I want to see wins! From what I've seen so far, wins for the Detroit Lions will be few and far between.

Tags: Detroit, Detroit Lions, Matt Millen, Rod Marinelli, NFL, football

EVERYBODY PANIC!!! - I was damn close to pushing the button edition

It's amazing how much your feelings about a team, and a season, can change on 1 swing of the bat.

As much as I've been ragging on the Chicken Little fans and the Tiger panic brigade, I'm going to tell you something. I was closer than I care to admit to pushing the damn panic button tonight. I was this close.

I'm watching tonight's game, and all sort of bad things are running through this long time Tiger fan's tortured mind. This is a flawed team. They'll never get another big hit. Wouldn't Alfonso Soriano look 10 times better in the cleanup spot than Magglio Ordonez? Why didn't Dave Donmbrowski pull the trigger for Soriano? He knew the Tigers were lacking that one big bat. What if the Twins and Sox both win? A double header sweep? To the damn Yankees, of all teams? GOD NO! It can't be happening! This is harshing my mellow! Are we going to be witnesses of a collaspe of biblical porportions?

Like I said, all kind of ugly thoughts were running through my brain, and not all were logical...

I'm sitting there, stewing in those thoughts, waiting for the final out, looking for the panic button. I then realize that all is not lost, no Rivera for the Yankees. But...Leading off the top of the 9th was the Tigers' own black hole of suck, the rally killer known as Neifi Perez. And he continued to suck the life out of all Tiger fans, striking out. Brandon Inge kept hope alive, walking on a nice, tough at bat. Pudge was Pudge, hacking away and flying out.

2 out, Curtis Granderson up. Granderson takes it to 3-2, barely fouls off strike 3. The camera shows the on deck batter. There's hope! It's the only Tiger who has shown any kind of clutch tendencies over the past few weeks, Craig Monroe. But Granderson needs to get on. Ball damn 4! Thank you sir, the Tigers are still alive. Craig Monroe, pretty much the ONLY Tiger I want to see at the plate in this situation, comes to the plate. And what happens?

David Ortiz wishes he was as clutch as Craig Monroe.

I don't know if the Tigers will make the playoffs. But you know what? Wins like tonight's are the sort that can carry a team, change the mood of both the clubhouse and the fanbase. The kind of game that playoff teams, teams of destiny, win.

Thank you Craig Monroe, thank you so much. Your game winning home run kept me from turning into Chicken Little.

Random Tiger thoughts before this week's, "Biggest series of the season"

Neifi Perez: A week ago I called the trade for Neifi Perez a non-story, and had no problem with his replacing utilityman Ramon Santiago. Unfortunately, I made that statement before it became apparent that the Tigers planned on his being the everyday 2nd baseman till the Placidome returns from the DL. After watching Perez's flailing about at the plate for the past week, it's blatantly obvious that he has no place starting for a team that supposedly has playoff and championsip asperations. Late inning defensive replacement? I can accept that, hard to swallow as that may be. But batting leadoff and playing in front of Omar Infante, who has 5 times the ability of Perez at the plate? That I can't accept.

Giving Perez significant playing time is one of the few personnel decisions the Cigarette Smoking Man made that has backfired. Sunday, the Marlboro Man removed Perez from the lineup, and inserted Infante, who contributed 2 hits. Wonder of wonders, the losing streak ended. It seems conclusive to everyone, save for the Tigers braintrust, that the Tigers have a better chance to win with Infante's solid bat and below average defense, than Perez's good defense and the black hole of suck he turns his spot in the batting order into. I'm begging you, our cranky curmudgeon of a manager, just plug Omar Infante in the daily lineup, and let the black hole of suck that is Neifi Perez play defense. Just defense. We only can hope Placido Polanco's shoulder gets healthy sooner rather than later.

Andrew Miller: I'm all for the Tigers bringing up the phenom fireballer that is "Dr. Destroy." From all accounts, Miller has the ability to get out major league batters now, and is especially effective against left handed bats. Miller is the sort of wild card that could make the difference in a couple of tight September games. It's not as if the Tigers expect him to start. It appears that Dr. Destroy will be a long man and/or a LOOGY. If he has the talent, make sure he is at least eligible for the post season roster, and then see if he'll be an asset to an October bullpen. All he can do is make one of baseball's best bullpens even better. Even if he doesn't do much other than observe, being with the big club during a pennant race can only be helpful to the doctor's development.

Magglio Ordonez: For whatever reason, Maggs has turned into a punch and judy hitter. Maggs has the look of a player who has hit the proverbial wall, not surprising for someone who has not played a full season in 2 years. Hitting the wall or not, 5 home runs from your cleanup hitter since June is not going to cut it. The lack of home run power was not a critical issue till the past few weeks, as Maggs was still knocking in runs. But with 1 HR and 9 RBI for the month of August, his stats are representative of a bottom of the order hitter, not the cleanup man for the team with the best record in baseball.

The issue then becomes, do the Tigers have another option? That's the rub, as they really don't. Craig Monroe is the closest thing they have to a cleanup hitter, but he's absolutely pounding the ball out of the 2 hole, while replacing Placidome. Moving him to cleanup then leaves the Tigers with no true number 2 hitter, save for possibly Sean Casey. but Casey has been the Tigers most productive lower in the order hitter. It's a domino effect, anything the Tigers might do to move Maggs out of the cleanup slot leaves a glaring hole elsewhere.

At this point, about all the Tigers can do is hope that Maggs slugs his way out of his power outage. Hopefully, today's day off will help. I'd like to say that the Tigers should be resting Maggs on and off thru the month of September, but they are not going to have the luxury of resting their best players when fighting off 2 teams for the division title.

Kenny Rogers: I think that news of the Gambler's second half disappearance have been greatly exaggerated.

Justin Verlander: He still has his velocity, and I think that's the best sign that his recent struggles are not physical, but just those of a rookie pitcher. To think that Verlander would continue winning games at a once in a generation pace was being awfully optimistic. Still, the Tigers need the Verlander of the first 2/3 of the season to make the occasional appearance. I'm not asking him to win every start, but to at least give the Tigers a legitimate chance to win. And for the most part, even with his recent difficulties, Verlander has done just that.

Despite all the adversity, with their being being hit at the same time with trifecta of injuries, slumping bats, and Neifi Perez, the Tigers still have a 5 game Central division lead. Let's not forget that they still have the best record in baseball.

Is the upcoming 3 game series with the Yankees important? Sure, but it's not the end of the world if they do, God forbid, get swept. But I honestly don't see that happening. The Yankees can hit with the best of them, but their pitching, save for Wang and Rivera, is nothing to write to Geeorge Steinbrenner about. This isn't the Yankees juggernaut of 5 years ago. They are a very good team, but so are the Tigers. Let's play the games before we even think about hitting the "Panic" button some are oh-so-ready to push.

Tags: Detroit, Detroit Tigers, Neifi Perez, Magglio Ordonez, Kenny Rogers, Justin Verlander, Andrew Miller, New York Yankees

The Detroit Lions: Meet the new boss, same as the old boss

If you didn't get to see the Lions performance against the Raiders late Friday night...well...Bully for you! You can consider yourself most lucky, as it was an awful performance. The Lions are proof positive that some things never change. For example...

The defense not having to ability to get a stop on 3rd and long? The Raiders offense looked like they were playing Madden with the Lions D in rookie mode.

Strange drive killing penaties and turnovers? A flagrant face mask on OG Ross Verba, nullifying a long run? Doesn't get much stranger than that. Jon Kitna thinking an extra yard in a preseason exhibition game is important, leading to a fumble because he didn't slide? That's the Lions we know and despise. The only thing that didn't happen was Kitna getting injured, a la Jeff Garcia. I wouldn't count out that from happening in the 4th preseason exhibition game.

Average, at best, quarterbacking? 18-32-206, with 2 INT's, 1 lost fumble, and 0 TD's. Eerily familiar to a typical Joey Blue Skies stat line.

The inability to convert in the "Red zone?" Not an issue. Why not? It's not an issue because the offense NEVER got inside Oakland's 20 yard line.

Fernando Bryant playing more like Fernando Valenzuela, but not as fast? Just ask Randy Moss as he was running by Bryamt unmolested, as I think he'd agree. Considering the Radiers had receivers wide open all night long, a defensive backfield full of Fernando Valenzuela's couldn't have done any worse...

The execution of the offensive, and Sgt. Marinelli's specialty, defensive, lines? To steal a line from the late, great John McKay, I'm all for their execution. I didn't know that "Look out!" blocks were part Mike Martz's offensive scheme, and that draw plays are literally unstoppable in the Tampa 2 defense. At least the Detroit Lions' version of the Tampa 2...

Mike Williams on the sidelines, eating Big Macs two fisted? I can't vouch for the burgers, but the closest Williams came to the playing field was when he went to the concession stands for a 2nd helping of nachos with extra cheese. The only reason he makes the team is because of his contract his potential Matt Millen.

Charles Rogers hurt, and not playing? Rogers not getting on the field, and not just because he's dinged up, was a sure thing. The only way Rogers makes the roster at this point is if every other wide receiver on the roster is injured, traded, retires, or gets popped for a drug suspension. Considering Rogers has 2 of those 4 reasons covered himself most seasons, expect to see Rogers waived after the last exhibition game.

That Sgt. Marinelli's idea to fly in and out on the same day for a WEST COAST game, just to make his players "Uncomfortable," and feel a sense of "Adversity," blew up in his face? Was there ever a reason to think that Marinelli's asinine travel plan was even close to being a good idea? Why would anyone in the front office agree? I'm sorry, I forgot that I was talking about the Lions for a second. Just how bad of an idea was it? It was as bad of an idea as Marty Morninwheg's staged stopping of practice, and riding off on a Harley, or Bobby Ross' claims that he would be giving bus tickets out of town. Silly? Yes. Effective? Hell, no.

As for bright spots? Uh...Nick Harris had some great punts, and...Uh...Um... Nick Harris had some great punts.

The Lions hireachy continually said that what transpired in 1st 2 preseason exhibition games weren't indicative of what we were going to see in the regular season. They pounded home the fact that the 3rd game was going to truly reflect what we'd see in week 1 of the regular season. It was a "Dress rehearsal," with regular season style practicing, game planning, schemes, and the 1st string getting the majority of playing time.

If a show heading for Broadway had a dress rehearsal as terrible as the Lions' turned out to be, that show would never make it to the Great White Way. They would have folded the show, and cut their losses. Unfortunately, the Lions don't have that option.

Tags: Detroit, Detroit Lions, Rod Marinelli, NFL, football

TWFE Detroit Lions season preview, part 1: Offense

Has anyone else been totally underwhelmed by the Lions offense over their lifetime the first 2 preseason exhibition games? See anything or anyone to be excited about? Anything at all? I thought so.

After years of inept offensive schemes, the hiring of noted loon, and supposed offensive genius, Mike Martz as coordinator, was manna from Heaven for the Lion fanbase. You want to know how starved we fans are for any kind of innovation on offense? During the 1st series of the exhibition season we saw men in motion, and thought it was the next coming of Martz's "Greatest Show on Turf." Unfortunately, the offense up to this point has looked more like a carny sideshow, with Rod Marinelli as a carnival barker.

To put it bluntly, the offense has been offensive. I think we all expected more from Mike "Legend in his own mind" Martz. Production from the running backs has been non-existent. Feature back Kevin Jones' biggest feature has been running from sideline to sideline, and has done next to nothing. 3rd round pick Brain Calhoun has done even less, that being absolutely nothing.

Shawn Bryson has become the Lions' equivalent of former Piston Michael Curry. For some reason God only knows, the moment coaches see Bryson on the practice field, they fall in love with him the same way a lovesick freshman falls for a senior cheerleader. The coach lust for Bryson is all the more surprising when you consider that he has no discernable talent. Arlen Harris seems to be a lock as Jones' backup, even though he he has a sterling career rushing average of 2.0 YPC. The best looking running back by far has been Artose Pinner, who supposedly is the odd man out when it comes to making the roster, because they don't have room for a runner they know can be productive. Typical Lions logic.

As for the passing game? I'll take a pass, thank you. So far, the Lions QB's prefer getting yards on scrambles, rather than the norm, throwing something we haven't seen in years, a forward pass upfield to a wide receiver. Speaking of the wide outs, is there a bigger cluster in all of football than the Lions' wide receiver drama?

Roy Williams has shown himself to be the clear number 1, and looks as if he's going to have a breakout season. If the QB's actually throw the ball to him, that is... But other than Williams, what have we seen? We hear glowing reports from the beat writers that Corey Bradford (Who's approximately 76 years old), Mike Furey (A converted safety who had 4 picks last year. Why isn't he playing on the Lions piss poor defense?), and Glenn Martinez (David Kirkus with less talent) are tearing it up on the practice field. But what have we seen from them in 2 games so far? Zip, nada, and zilch. Or in proper English, nil.

But all is well, because 1st round picks Mike Williams and Charles Rogers are...Well, all is not well, because they CAN'T EVEN GET ON THE DAMN FIELD! Williams still thinks he's in college, where pizza and beer are a diet staple, and being punctual means you are only a half hour late for the keg tapping. He's still built like a chubbier Eric Cartman, but at least Williams has shown flashes with a couple of nice catches in the red zone, where he should be a huge weapon. There might be something salvageable. Should and might being the operative words...

Rogers on the the other hand, that's just a lost cause. He has that 1000 yard stare, the highway eyes, and it's not just due to the chronic. It's the look of a player who's counting the days till he's released. It's obvious to everyone but Matt Millen, that much like Joey Blue Skies, Rogers will never, ever be successful in Detroit. I wouldn't put it past Rogers, in that the moment he's cut (And he's going to be cut), he'll turn back into the big time receiver we saw in the first few games of his rookie season. Detroit Lion fans will then die a little more inside.

What about fullback and tight end, you ask? When they actually start doing something more than missing blocks, dropping passes, getting injured and just taking up roster space, then I'll have something to say.

As for the offensive line, the only thing that comes to mind is that it still sucks. The right side of the line, Damien Woody and Rex Tucker, have not yet played due to injury. But where is the depth? Tackling dummies would be more effective than their replacements, Barry Stokes and Kevin Butler. The left side is manned by noted head case (So he'll fit right in with the Lions) Ross Verba, and one of the highest paid tackles in the league, the utterly average Jeff Backus. Why is he amongst the highest paid? Well...There was no one better hanging around, so Millen figured someone should get the money, might as well be Backus. Center, as always, is manned by Dominic Raiola, who has never been able to give any kind of line push due to having arms shorter than a QB's tenure under Wayne Fontes.

Finally comes the offensive centerpiece, quarterback. The starter will be Jon Kitna, who's above average at best, and below average at worst. Look up "Journeyman" in the encyclopedia, and you'll see an Eric Clapton album cover. If it wasn't for that, you'd see a picture of Jon Kitna. Kitna, a QB whom is best known for not being a playmaker, but for not making mistakes, would be great for a team who can surround him with playmakers. But not so great for a team who surrounds Kitna with the injury prone, head cases, never-were's, has-been's, and wannabe's. Dollars to donuts, Kitna will become the most hated man in Detroit since Joey Harrington, Charlie Batch, Scott Mitchell, Rodney Peete, Erik Kramer, Eric Hipple, Gary Danielson, Greg Landry, Bill Munson, Milt Plum, Karl Sweetan, and Tobin Rote.

We are told by the beat writers that there is a stirring battle for 2nd string behind Kitna between Dan Orlovsky (He played at UCONN) and Josh McCown (The Cardinals let him go and kept John Navarre). The winner automatically becomes the most popular man in Detroit, behind Jim Leyland and Moe Cheese. The loser will count his blessings. Detroit fans will count the days till the Lions are mathmatically eliminated from the playoffs.

After reading this, it sure makes you long for the glorious days of this man, doesn't it?

Tags: Detroit, Lions, Detroit Lions, NFL, football

A jinx? I don't believe in no stinkin' jinxes

We've all heard the news, and seen the picture. Justin "The Franchise" Verlander is the latest Sports Illustrated cover boy. The first Tiger in 2 decades to grace the cover of the most well known sports periodical in existence. So in other words, it's time to worry, because of the Sports Illutrated cover jinx.

So what to make of the Sports Illustrated cover, and the jinx that supposedly comes along with it? There's nothing to worry about. Nothing to worry about at all. I'm not worried about a jinx. Jinxes are for the superstitious. Hell, I'm not superstitous. Not one bit of superstition in this guy, knock on wood.

You're still worried? There is no reason to worry. It's all in our heads. We Tiger fans are like Pavlov's dog, or act like we are living in a Skinner box, and have been conditioned over the years into looking for anything that could be a sign of trouble. Talking about the SI jinx is just something for the Chicken Little's of Tiger fandom to hang their neuroses on. There's no worries here at TWFE HQ...

The SI cover jinx is nothing but so much BS. It's crazy talk, in the same way the Madden game front cover curse is BS. Right? RIGHT?

Tags: Sports Illustrated, Detroit, Detroit Tigers, Justin Verlander

Tuesday afternoon musings...

With a win tonight , our Detroit Tigers can guarantee a .500 season! Back in April, I thought I could be writing that sometime in late September, but in August? Am I dreaming? Someone pinch me!

Neifi Perez is going to be the starting 2nd baseman? I can get behind him as insurance, as a back up. But in the lineup every day? Am I having a nightmare? Someone pinch me!

Justin Verlander's performance last night was one of a major league stopper. There hasn't been a true "Stopper" in Detroit since Jack Morris. No, Bill Gullickson and Jeff Weaver were not stoppers. Verlander's was a beautiful performance to watch, and we're going to have the pleasure of watching more of the same for years to come. I'm getting all misty here...

I'm sure that when the rosters expand, Chris Shelton will be called up from Toledo. But will he have a position, other than as an extra bat off the bench? Which is another way of saying that Sean Casey has been a prime time pickup for the Tigers. 16 RBI in 20 games, with a knack for the clutch hit? No one expected that kind of production. Was there a more impactful addition to anyone's else's roster made at the trade deadline? You could make an agruement for Bobby Abreu solidifying the Yankees' outfield, but other than that, who's been better than Casey? Not that I'm saying to pencil in Casey as next years 1st baseman, not at all. But for the rest of this season, it's Casey at the bat, and he's patrolling 1st.

Is anyone else thrilled that the Yankees - Red Sox series is over? I could have sworn that no other games were being played in MLB over the past 4 days. The Worldwide Leader continually force feeds us the notion that so-called Yankees - BoSox rivary was a national obession. First, a rivalry requires the other team to win occasionally. Save for the 2004 playoffs, how often have the BoSox won? Some rivalry. Michigan - tOSU is a rivalry. Texas - Oklahoma is a rivalry. Browns - Steelers is a rivalry. Bears - Packers is a rivalry. But the Yankees - Bosox? A more fitting description is that the Yankees are the hammer, Red Sox are the nail. Secondly, the Worldwide Leader often forgets that major league baseball is sometimes played west of the Hudson River, and south of The Big Dig.

Oh Lord help us all, Madden '07 hit the streets today. My thoughts? Yawn. I'm the definition of an adult casual gamer. I do own a PS2, but I don't play obessively or play online. Why get my ass kicked online by some trash talking, obsenity spewing 13 year old who plays the game 12 hours a day? Not exactly my idea of fun. I don't buy a game the minute it's released, let alone pay full retail. Still, I do own a modern Madden game, (I'm not counting the Madden games I had for the Sega Gensis. Ah yes, the days of running Barry Sanders every play, winning 100-0 and gaining1000 yards of total offense. But I digress...) that being Madden '02, which I bought at a huge discount when the 2003 version hit, which is how I normally purchase games. I only buy new when the price drops to a level I consider sane, or otherwise used.

I will admit that I have played Madden in franchise mode for several hours straight (I was home sick, OK?), so I can understand the obsessive love some people have for the game. And no, I'm not a Luddite, as I do own a more modern football game, NFL 2K5, which was released, new, at less than half the price Madden went for at the time. NFL 2K5 was a great purchase for the value recieved, damn shame EA and the NFL killed it with their monopolistic licensing agreement. Which leaves us with Madden, or nothing. I guess this makes me a cranky crumudgeon, but why the need to buy the same game every year? Let alone wait in line, to have to supposed pleasure of paying 50 bucks for incremental improvements at best, and it can be easily debated (Hit stick, vision cone?) that they aren't worth the price of a new game. Not evey damn year, anyway.

Then again, I miss playing Galaga and Centipede after the chicks shot me down at the bar. I may be a Luddite after all...

Tags: Madden, video games, Detroit, Detroit Tigers, Sean Casey, Yankees, Red Sox

Guest Post: Big Al is a clueless chauvinist

A very good female friend of mine (Yes, even geeky bloggers talk to women!), who's also a freshman girls softball coach, was going thru the archives of TWFE, and found a post that raised her ire. She let me know, in no uncertain terms, that she was disappointed in me, and she thought my thinking was chauvinistic, backward and pig headed. In fact, she sent me a well thought out rebuttal.

As a semi-respectable blogger, I'm willing to listen to the opposing point of view, and review opinions that may have been more than a little reactionary. What follows is her thoughts on in regard to my post degrading women's sports.


I was reading your blog...

...And came across you February 22 post, titled "A continuing series: My sports pet peeves, part 3" regarding women's sports......

As I read it, I was, well....a bit shocked.......I'm still having trouble competely understanding it. And frankly, I'm not sure I want too.

You mention that they are truly fringe sports no matter how much the MSM tries to popularize them. You also say that the women's game (any game) is "slower, not as creative and basically boring."

I take great offense to that both on a personal level and from the standpoint of being the coach of a women's sport.

I haven't yet to figure out, based on the blog entry, if you don't like women's sports (period) or the fact that they get (equal? I don't think so) air time of any sort.

"Do NOT shove women's sports (in) my face as the equal to men's, and as something that I must watch."

First, you are not forced to watch anything. You have a remote and over 100 channels (I'm sure), find something else that tickles your fancy. These so called "boring sports" do have a fan base and the MSM recognizes that and allows us a peak every now and again. I guess we are all entitled to our opinons....I mean I am not a basketball, football or NASCAR fan but, if your "theory" holds true, I must watch them as that is how the hierarchy of the sports world works....guess again. I have this little button on my remote (and on the cable box itself) that reads "ON/OFF" and it works rather well, as does the "up/down" channel button.

So don't complain that you must watch anything. Turn the channel, Big Al....there is testosterone lurking there someplace....

//stepping off my soap box....for now//


She let me have it with both barrels. And made me think, which is always a good thing...

Tags: Women's sports

EVERYBODY PANIC!!! - The panic checklist edition

What's that you hear in the distance? You do hear it, don't you? They were at first muffled, but now growing louder and stronger? Anguished cries? I think you know what it is, it's the anguished cries of, could it be, PANIC?

The Detroit Tigers have lost 9 of 12. Lost 3 of 4 to the Rangers, whose pitching staff scares, well, no one. The evil devil spawn that are the White Sox, now 5.5 back, are coming to town for a HUGE 4 game series. Those cries? The cries are even louder now...

It hasn't helped that the Tigers lost 3 games this weekend in ways that the Chicken Littles of the world see as conformation that the wheels have come flying off...

Friday: Down 1 in the 9th, Craig Monroe rips a lead off triple, with the meat of the order coming up. At the very least, it's going into extra innings, correct? 3 ground balls later, game over, Tigers lose.

Saturday: Nate Robertson, who is becoming more well known for his hard luck and lack of run support, rather than "Gum time," throws an absolute gem at the Rangers. Unfortunately, a home run, a fielding laspe by Omar Infante, and absolutely no offense, adds up to a frustrating 3-1 loss.

Sunday: 6-0 lead, the offense looks to have returned! With Jeremy Bonderman is on the mound, you have to be thinking, "Hells yeah, the game is a lock." Uh...No. Bonderman pitches like next coming of Jason Johnson, Magglio Ordonez shows off his alarming lack of speed in getting thrown out at the plate, the bats again go silent, and the Tigers lose with a whimper, 7-6.

Not a pretty weekend, to say the very least. Those were the kind of losses that might get you thinking...Thinking bad thoughts. "Everything is going wrong...It's time to...PANIC!"

So, since the natural urge is to PANIC, let's think about this rationally. We need to go over the Detroit Tiger PANIC checklist.

1. When the Tigers pitch well, no one hits, and vice versa. Just look at the lost weekend against Texas. Check.

2. A team wide batting slump. See #1, along with Curtis Granderson, Magglio Ordonez, Marcus Thames, to name just a few. Check.

3. A starter goes down with a long-term injury. Placido Polanco, you have been misssed. I doubt he blows the play Infante butchered on Saturday. Check.

4. The nearest competitor in the division is breathing down their necks. Can't check that off, a 5.5 game lead is still pretty substantial, and it's an even bigger lead if you talk about the wild card. We are still talking about a collaspe of historical porportions for the Tigers to not make the playoffs. We are far from comparing them to the '78 Red Sox, it's not even close to that point.

5. The manager is pulling a Grady Little and making all the wrong moves. I have no issues with the Marlboro Man, save for Justin Verlander's last start. If anything, you could argue that Jim leyland makes some of this checklist moot, as he's that good. Can't cross that off the list.

6. Your best and highest paid position players aren't playing their best. See #2, so we'll check that. Magglio Ordonez, we are looking at you...

7. The pitching has come back to earth. Some, which was to be expected, but not nearly enough to say it's a big issue. Rogers and Robertson have pitched well in their last starts, Bonderman's Texas game was just a hiccup, Verlander hasn't had his best stuff, but still has his velocity, Mike Maroth's most recent rehab appearance shows that he's ready, and the bullpen continues to be the best in all of baseball. Even Todd Jones has been lights out.

8. Management is sitting on their hands. Not true, can't check that off. We have the Andrew Miller signing, which is beginning to look like a stroke absolute genius, if you check out his first appearance in the minors. We are talking about what could be a big time bullpen addition for the stretch drive. And say what you will about the acquisition of Neifi Perez, he's a former Gold Glove winning middle infielder, who will be an obvious upgrade over Ramon Santiago as a backup.

9. The Tigers lead has shrunk by 5 ganes over the past 2 weeks. Sure, but isn't that why it was so great they had built up a cushion to begin with? The Tigers still hold their own destiny. The ChiSox and Twins are good teams, who were not about to allow the Tigers to run away with the divison. To expect the Tigers to keep a 1o game lead, and continue to play .700 ball, was rose colored thinking. You also have to consider that they still have to play the same teams as the Tigers, and win those games. Let alone play each other several times. It's not as if the 2 chasing teams are juggernauts, they have holes too, specifically with their pitching depth. You give me the Tigers staff at this point, and I'm feeling pretty confident. No check..

10. The Chisox sweep the upcoming 4 game series, and it's a whole new ballgame. Well...Duh. But...Even with a Sox sweep (God forbid), the Tigers still lead the Central. Get a split, just hold serve, and it's the staus quo, the ChiSox leave town a relatively substantial amount of games behind. Take 3 or even sweep the Sox, and everything I just wrote becomes moot. I refuse to write off the Tigers before the series even starts. It's silly to talk about hypotheticals in baseball. It's prime time fodder for the media hacks, but it's nothing more than that.. Not yet, anyway. No check mark.

The final PANIC rundown?

Time to Panic? - 4 checks. Remain calm? - 6 checks.

According to my far from scientific analyis, it's NOT time to PANIC. Should there be a sense of urgency? Sure. Cause for some concern? How could there not be? Are we witnessing a baseball apocalypse of unforseen porportions? Hardly.

In other words, count your blessings. We could be talking about the sinking ship that are the Boston Red Sox. Panic in Boston? My God, they are already planning the BoSox burial. In Boston, we're talking PANIC in bold large font!

We aren't talking about the BoSox, but the Detroit Tigers. The Tigers are not dead and buried. The Tigers are alive, beathing, and still IN FIRST PLACE.

Tags: Detroit, Detroit Tigers, baseball, MLB, White Sox

Consider yourselves on notice, media hacks!

The Wayne Fontes Experience is watching you...



Many thanks to Ian at Sweaty Men Endeavors for directing me to the Colbert generator...

Who are the biggest hacks in the Detroit media?

As the Tigers look to have righted the ship, and there isn't all that much to say about the Lions till after tonight's preseason exhibition game, I figure I'll continue to rail at the windmills that are the Detroit media. This week has turned into one long bitch-fest about the local media slappys, so what's one more rant?

What's the first thing that comes to mind when talking about the Detroit MSM?

From the Merriam-Webster Dictionary...
hack
Function: adjective
1 : working for hire especially with mediocre professional standards (a hack journalist)
2 : performed by, suited to, or characteristic of a hack (hack writing)
3 : HACKNEYED, TRITE

All that was missing from the entry was a picture of Rob Parker.

If you've read TWFE for any length of time at all, you know the disdain I hold for the MSM at large. What follows are in my opinion, the biggest and most notable broadcast and print hacks, in no paticular order (Save for #1), currently working in the Detroit MSM.

Rob Parker: Long considered Joe Dumars lap dog, as in his mind Joe D can do no wrong. On the flip side, thinks Dave Dombrowski can do no right, despite massive evidence to the contrary. Fond of twisting the facts to suit his needs. Stats or factual events won't back up his POV? Then either ignore them, or use small sample sizes, problem solved. His columns do nothing more than point out the painfully obvious, or are just plain painful. Parker's "Clubhouse Confidential" is often nothing more than a pure slanderous rumor mongering exercise of misstating facts, most pointedly in his mistaken claim that Tom Izzo was keeping Detroit Mercy's Brandon Cotton from getting another year of NCAA eligibility. How this hack has infiltrated TV, radio, and print so ubiquitously is hard to fathom, as I don't know of anyone who takes his opinions seriously.

Bernie Smilovitz: How has this clown and his one trick pony schtick lasted 20+ years in this city? All he brings is the schtick, as he sure isn't a reporter anymore. (If he ever was one) Better suited to hosting "America's Funniest Home Videos" than a 4 minute sports segement (More like 2 minutes of sports and 2 minutes of "Comedy"), as evidenced by his lamest of the lame "Video Arcade" and "Weekend at Bernie's" features. Smilovitz's WDIV segments are boring at best, cringe inducing at worst, and always awful. He's a walking cliche' who's comparable to the annoyingly crazy uncle whom you tolerate during the holidays, and ignore the rest of the year.

Mike Valenti: Also brings the schtick, as in the sports talk radio staple that is the "I'm from New Yawk and I'm a tough guy hot head" stchick. A contrarian for sake of being contrarian, he often takes the opposing POV to the level headed Terry Foster in an attempt to stir emotions. Fond of shouting down callers that have an opposing viewpoint or bring "Facts" to the table. Confuses "Attitude" and volume for sports knowledge.

Mitch Albom: Once was an entertaining and influential sports columnist. Now? A legend in his own mind who thinks he's become bigger than the events he covers. Wrting about sports wasn't an important enough calling, so decided to expand his horizons with a boring general interest radio show, and write trite Sunday opinion pieces instead. When he does deign to write about sports, he can become either overly saccirine in going for heartstring tug or falls back on his boilerplate column format of repeating words or questions. Ignored, or didn't bother to delve into, the Michgan basketball mess. An utterly amazing achievement, due to the fact his book, "Fab Five,"was written during the height of the U of M basketball scandal. Instead, the book was a big sloppy wet French kiss to a era that Michigan fans would rather forget. Had been rumored for years to either manufacture quotes or use them without attribution, and was finally busted due to a NCAA Final Four column that would have required him to be a time traveller to be factual. What normally would have been a fireable offense in almost all cases, but since it was the bigger than the Free Press Little Fella, he got off with a mere handslap. Albom would go on this list alone alone for writing the sappiest cash grab ever with "The 5 People You Meet in Heaven." The Worldwide Leader still considers him the voice of blue collar Detroit, when he's as Hollywood as they come.

Bob Wojonowski, sports talk radio version: Has taken the fat jolly dumb guy schtick to new heights. What was once funny has become stale and predictable. Something happen the night before? You can be guaranteed to hear "Panic (in nane the city or team) town!" That's one of many running jokes and bits that he's overly fond of running deeply into the ground. Capable of giving honest, informed, and funny opinions, as evidenced by his Detroit News columns, but that would interfere with his "Dumb guy" radio persona. When he does step out of that character, his show becomes much better. Unfortunately, it only happens a few times a show, then he falls back to the unoriginal and stale.

Art Regner: Only cares abouts Red Wings hockey and Michigan Wolverine football, and is woefully uninformed in everything else. Regner's full of rightous indignation "Rants" about Lions football were once, like Wojo's persona, fresh and funny. But continually trotting them out like a dancing monkey for the past decade now has caused them become to become nothing more than overtly bombastic, forced, and old hat performance art. Nothing more than a fluffer for the Red Wings, much in the way Rob Parker is a fluffer for the Pistons. Thinks Ken Holland and Lloyd Carr can do no wrong, and expect to get cut off if you dare criticize them.

Pat Caputo, when talking about anything other than baseball: Give Caputo his due when talking baseball, he's more informed than the self designated baseball "Expert" Rob Parker could ever hope to be. Unfortuntely, his newspaper and radio jobs require him to opine on all sports. So to get a point across on the radio, HE TALKS LIKE THIS ALL THE TIME IN AN ATTEMPT TO MAKE HIS OPINION MORE SUBTANTIAL AND VALID. Constantly uses the fall back position that he was a beat writer for the Tigers and Lions when someone challenges what he has to say.

Drew Sharp: The designated hit man in the Detroit MSM. Need something negative? Sharp is your go-to guy. Nothing is good. Everything is awful. Hope? There is no hope. No gray areas, everything is in black and white. If something positive is happening, he'll do his best to find the negative, or only give a backhanded compliment. His comfort zone is the Big 10, as in his mind, it is the worst ever and most overrated football and basketball confrence in the history of mankind. Unfortunately, Sharp feels the need to say so at every opportunity, every week of the season. We get it, Drew. You don't like the Big 10, never have, never will. So move on already, or cover the God damn SEC for chrissakes.

Tags: Detroit, media, MSM, radio, TV, newspaper, sports talk

I learned a little about myself...

In case you were worried about my mental health after blowing a gasket during yesterday's rant, not to worry. After reading over my viciously acerbic post, I did something all of us should do occasionally. I turned off the radio and stepped away from the computer. The fog began to clear, my mood began to improve and lucidity soon returned.

So what did I learn? One, I drank too much coffee yesterday. Two, it's that my tolerance to suffer fools gladly has lowered over the years, and this city has an overflow of said fools, especically in the mainstream media. I reached a breaking point when it came to those slappys yesterday.

Something else that I've known, for quite a while actually, and bears repeating, is that if you want quality commentary, stick to the web. You sure as Hell aren't going to get it from the local MSM. I get more measured, thought provoking, informative, timely and funny commentary from the cadre of bloggers I read than I ever could from the slappys, most of whom are just looking to incite any kind of reaction, in the print and broadcast media.

For example, I haven't read anything in today's Freep, News, MLive, and Oakland Press, or heard any of the radio slappys for that matter, crititizing the Marlboro Man for leaving Justin Verlander in the game at least 2-3 batters too long against the BoSox. It was obvious to everyone watching that Verlander couldn't control his breaking stuff. So why leave him in to lose the game, especially after he loaded the bases? Even FSD's Mario Impemba and Rod Allen said Verlander was aiming the ball, rather than throwing. But do you see anyone in the MSM questioning the decision? Didn't think so...

When you go online though, what do you see? Check out Kurt at Mack Avenue Tigers.

He probably shouldn’t have been going six innings anyway, but especially not when he was having so much trouble with his control through five innings. It’s not often I question Jim Leyland, but I wasn’t really in favor of the sixth inning, period, little lone leaving him in when he loaded up the bases.

For that matter, Brian said the same thing in the comments here at TWFE last night...

Now don't get me started on what the hell the Marlboro Man was thinking by letting Verlander continue to pitch in the sixth inning tonight. That's another story.

You could go to any message board game thread, and see everyone asking the same thing. "Why is Verlander still in the game? What is the Cigarette Smoking man smoking?" By leaving Verlander in to pitch through the 6th inning, I guessing he was puffing on something stronger than Marlboro Reds.

But no one in the MSM is crititizing Jim Leyland this morning. Why? Is he immune from second guessing? Even someone as smart as Leyland makes mistakes, and he made a BIG one last night. One that probably cost the Tigers the game, and from extending their divison lead.

So when it comes down to brass tacks, it comes to this. You want to keep your sanity? Keep from busrting a blood vessel? Not kill brain cells? Stay on an even keel? Stick to the web. Tell the MSM to shove it high and far. You'll thank me in the long run.

Tags: Detroit, Detroit Tigers, baseball, Justin Verlander, Jim Leyland, media

We're surrounded by morons, and why losing Placidome isn't the end of the world

Why I continue to subject myself to sports talk radio is beyond me. I must have a masochistic streak a mile wide.

I'm listening to WXYT's Sports Inferno Bic Lighter, and find myself looking for a rusty spoon to insert into my frontal lobe. A lobotomy would end the pain I get from listening to the mentally challenged Mike Valenti. I'd stick an icepick into my eardrums instead, but pointy things are dangerous...

There were a couple of comments during a discussion about Pacidome Polanco's shoulder injury that set me off. First off, Valenti called Polanco's injury the first significant one of the season. First? Excuse me. Uh...Mike Maroth, anyone? A middle of the rotaion starting pitcher who was having a career year? Hello? McFly? I guess losing a starting pitcher is just a bump in the road, FAR from being significant.

The second statement, one that lowered my own IQ by osmosis, was in regard to the Tigers team defense. A caller brings up Lynn Henning's column in today's News stating that the Tigers' defense is the best, statistically, in all of baseball. Specifically, in the Baseball Prospectus SABR stat, "Defensive efficiency." Here's a snippet of what Henning had to say...

Detroit's defensive efficiency rating was .722, well above second-place San Diego (.715) and three teams tied for third at .708: San Francisco, the Chicago Cubs and New York Yankees.

As BP's Rany Jazayerli wrote: "You might not be impressed with the names on paper, but on the field the Tigers have had the best defense in baseball this year, and it isn't even close."

What's was the short bus riding Valenti's response? He literally spit out, "Don't give me STATS! I trust my EYESSSS!" He then said the caller was an "Ass." Ignoring stats and name calling are the last refuge of a scoundrel, or a bad talk show host.

Forrest Gump Valenti goes on to talk about the defense of Magglio Ordonez, Brandon Inge and Carlos Guillen. I will admit Guillen has blown his share of chances, but he has also made some spectacular plays at short. He calls Inge "Scatter armed," even though Inge is generating Gold Glove talk. As for Maggs, let's get real. Ordonez isn't in the lineup for his, average at best, defense. He called Ordonez the "Worst right fielder in baseball." I guess the brain dead Valenti didn't see Willy Mo Pena's stellar work in Fenway Park last night.

What the helmet wearing Valenti either doesn't care about, or just ignores, is range. The Tigers have players, like a Brandon Inge, who can get to balls others can't. Players like those are going to have more errors, because logically, they'll have more chances. Would the Millen-brained Valenti prefer a Devi Cruz type? He didn't make a ton of errors, so he must have been good defensively, right? Only if every ball was hit directly at him, as the pylon-like Cruz had a range of a half-step in each direction.

Christ almighty, I can't tolerate the radio stupidity anymore... You'd think sports knowledge would be a prerequsite for getting your own show. Mike "I must be correct because I shout down callers" Valenti is "Exhibit A" refuting it.

As for Placido, watching him go down was painful for all us fans. Does the 'Domes injury hurt the Tigers' chances? A little, but not as much as some radio morons think it will. Polanco was excellent defensively, no denying it. He was a good fit in the Tigers' lineup, as he didn't K regualrly, and could put the ball in play. Those skills made him excellent with RISP. But...Polanco also had a low OBP, and hit with little power. He's not irreplaceable.

People seem to forget that Omar Infante is still only 24, and has a full season as a regular under his belt. Infante has his downside, as he's more of a free swinger than Polanco, and will not be as good defensively. On the other hand, Infante will hit for more power. Is it a downgrade? Sure, but not nearly enough to suddenly write off the Tigers.

My bigger concern is that the only infield backup is now Ramon Santiago, who hits...Well...Actually, he can't hit. You'd have to think that Dave Dombrowski is working the phones, looking for a middle infielder. I doubt he's listening to the Sports Bic Lighter.

Tags: Detroit, Detroit Tigers, baseball, MLB, Placido Polanco, radio

Can we all breathe just a little easier?

The Tigers we have grown to know and love as much as Hugo the Abominable Snowman loves and squeezes his little friend called George, finally reappeared last night. You know the team, the one with strong starting pitching, good defense, timely hitting, and strong bullpen work. Makes me all warm and fuzzy, and not just due to the vicodin and Old Grandad ingested due to the Tigers recent slump. So I just wanted to throw a few thoughts out there, now that the mad rush to push the panic button has been averted, for at least for one night.

Thank you Manny Ramirez, for just being Manny. And for pulling a Manny, by trying to score on a base hit that Justin Gatlin wouldn't have been able to beat out at home. Secondary thanks go to BoSox 3rd base coach Dale Sveum DeMarlo Hale for thinking Manny could run like Gatlin.

Every time David Ortiz, and crazy ass Manny for that manner, come the the plate, they scare the Jebus out of me. When it comes to Big Papi, I'd tempted to employ Sparky Anderson's old George Brett strategy. That being intentionally walking him every trip to the plate. I do not want to see him up at the plate late in games, as Ortiz is almost Craig Monroe like in the clutch...

Has there been a better backup catcher in baseball this season that Vance Wilson? Well...Probably, but I'm not complaining. His single in the 8th with the bases juiced was huge. Just shows what I know when compared to the genius that is the Cigarette Smoking Man. I was yelling at the TV wanting to see Polanco or Pudge come up to pinch hit. After 2 swinging strikes, I was prepared to do my best Comic Book Guy impression and say, "Worst Decision EVER." Leyland, on the other hand, just fired up another Marlboro and let Wilson swing away. I'm thrilled that the Marlboro Man doesn't to listen to nitwits like myself.

We now take a break from my normal snarkiness. Seeing someone last night has given me the need to reminisce, if only for a few paragraphs.


Seeing Mark Fidrych is always, always, always a good thing. I was thrilled that Mario and Rod allowed the Bird to hang around for a few innings, and talk about life and baseball. This normally agitated and cynical fan will always have a HUGE soft spot for Fidrych. He was one of the first players I could claim as my own, as the the 1968 group belonged to the previous generation. I was lucky enough to see him pitch at the Corner a couple of times in that wild 1976 season.

I remember the Bird's first start against the Tribe in May, the Monday night game against the Yankees, the curtain calls, personal catcher Bruce Kimm, the All-Star game with Rusty Staub and Ron LeFlore, being glued to the radio or TV whenever he pitched. Hell, that whole crazy year is impossible to forget. Just thinking about it all turns me into that kid that lived and breathed baseball again.

Then to hear Fidrych say last night (Paraphrasing, as I've heard him say the same in the past) that every time he comes back to Michigan, the fans shower him with love and respect, and that he couldn't have asked to have made a bigger impact on people lives, well, I actually think that there may be some hope for humanity. Then I have another lame ass Dick DeVos commercial thrust upon me, and reality slaps me in the face... Damn reality.

Tags: Detroit, Detroit Tigers, Boston Red Sox, baseball, Dick DeVos, Jim Leyland

Why Detroit sports talk radio blows: Reason #98

Normally, I can at least tolerate WXYT's Sports Inferno, and sometimes enjoy it, mostly due to one of the few islands of sanity in the overheated sports talk wars, Terry Foster. But this morning, the Sports Bic Lighter just doesn't get it. In this case, what they don't get is Tony Kornheiser.


I caught a little of the MNF game after the Tiger tilt. Despite the Worldwide Leader making their MNF debut out to be the next coming of the most entertaining booth in history, I'm not going to watch much of an uninteresting, unnecessary, and unimportant preseason exhibition game. But I did tune in just to check out Kornheiser.

He did just fine. His appearance was going to rate high in my mind anyway, because as we all know, the less of the Norman Einstein quoting Joe Thiesman we hear, the better. But the Sports Infermo guys are going off on Uncle Tony because he's not your typical analyist. As if there isn't enough of boring, clueless, illiterate, and loud former football players on the air already. You mean they want more of the grating Theisman? Or miss the past his prime, and hugely annoying video game pimp, John Madden? It's basically the same lame arguement many gave when Dennis Miller was doing MNF. As a caveat, I have to admit that I enjoyed the Miller and Dan Fouts give and take.

Don't Foster and Mike Valenti get it? Sports fans are going to watch MNF, no matter what. The Worldwide Leader wants to attract the more casual fan, let alone keep everyone watching when the (Place any awful matchup here) game is 24-3 in the 4th quarter. Do you want to hear Theisman pontificate endlessly on the greatest 2nd string QB ever (At least for this week), or would you rather hear Kornheiser compare a coach to Bob Newhart? 10 times out of 10, Kornheiser wins, hands down.

Then, things get stupid. Mike Valenti says that Kornheiser is taking a job away from a more qualified analyist. Who might that be? Theisman's old partner in crime, Paul Maguire. Maguire? WHAT? That has to be a joke, but no such luck, as Valenti doesn't have a sense of humor. Has he ever watched the Worldwide Leader's Sunday night broadcasts? The doddering Maguire is even more clueless than the preening Theisman! Come on, and please let me give you a clue. The Worldwide Leader's SNF broadcast crew was an assault on all that is good in the world... It was actually one of the Seven Signs.

In Valenti and Foster's closed off world, MNF is a solemn, religious thing. What they fail to realize that is not true to the spirit of the original MNF. If there was a more irreverent pair than Howard Cosell and Don Merideth, both of whom could make any boring ass blowout game entertaining, I haven't seen one. After watching football all weekend, I for one, don't mind a little levity and personality in the booth during the last game of the week. What I don't need is Joe "Theisman as in Heisman" lowering my IQ to Woody Paige levels by just showing up on my TV. Tony Kornheiser is the anti-Theisman. And that's a good thing.

Unfortunately, the Detroit airwaves are polluted with clueless hosts who don't understand that the sports world needs MORE anti-Theismans, not less.

Tags: Detroit, radio, NFL, Tony Kornheiser, Monday Night Football

The Detroit Lions front office would like to chat...

Wow, what a weekend! Before you go off half cocked, think about what you are saying. Don't get upset. Everyone take a deep breath. No reason to go off the deep end. Just calm down. There's nothing to worry about yet. Think good thoughts. Don't harsh your mellow.

All is well, because Detroit Lions won! We put the beatdown on the Broncos! It's .500 or bust! So long Wet Toast offense! Top o' the world! So all you diehard Detroit fans out there, what do you have to say about your favorite whipping boys now?

Hello? Anyone? Bueller? Huh? What gives? No one cares that the mighty, mighty Lions won their first exhibition game? But...But...It's the NFL! The 500 pound gorilla of sports! There's no talk about a QB controversy? No concern over logjam at running back? Nothing about Charles "Cheech" Rogers and Mike "Never saw a cheesecake I wouldn't eat" Williams playing on the third string? No Ernie Sims concussion jokes? The "Glenn Martinez for the Pro Bowl" bandwagon isn't full yet?

But why is everyone is so upset? It isn't because we traded Joey Harrington, is it? That's what you wanted! That's not why you're all up in arms? All the current angst in this town isn't over the Lions? What gives?

Baseball? Oh, so there's a pennant race? So? That's never a big deal. The who with the what in the where? The Tigers? What's that again? The Detroit Tigers? No. F'n. Way. Playoffs on the line? A championship contender? Front page, above the fold, every day? Ooooo, Millen and WCF are not gonna be happy that we're no longer the center of attention.

But it's August, folks! You're supposed to be excited! Two a days! Training camp! Breathless reports on how good that 2nd string free agent wide out you've never heard of looks on the practice field! What about the Marinelli DISCIPLINE? We did everything you asked! Now it's time for some football! What's that? You didn't even watch the game Friday? Because the Tigers were playing the White Sox?

Still, Ford Field was at least 3/4 full at kickoff. You left early? At halftime? Why? THE TIGERS?

No worries, you'll be there when the regular season kicks off. You always have been in the past, no matter how awful we were the season before. You LOVE us! What do you mean, maybe you'll see us in mid October? Because of the Tigers!? You'll still check in on Sundays, right? Maybe. MAYBE? If the Tigers aren't playing? I don't feel so good...

What's that you say? Show us? Show you what? I know, you want to see more of the wonderful, Millen inspired black unis! We know you love them. You don't care about the uniforms? Show you some...wins? Uh...What happened to the unconditional love? Tough love? Accountability? A playoff spot? I gotta talk to the 'stache...

Please, don't go. You have to reconsider. We're the #1 team in your hearts! Yes, I know the Pistons, Red Wings, and your damn Tigers are amongst the best teams in their sports. It never made a difference before. You're leaving? Did you say something? You'll come back if? If what? What will make you come back?

"Fire Millen?"

We're screwed...

Tags: Detroit, Detroit Tigers, Detroit Lions, Millen, football, baseball

EVERYBODY PANIC!!! - Message board edition

Over at Mack Avenue Tigers, Kurt had a very levelheaded post about the Tigers current slump. The slump that all teams have, but the Motor City Kitties managed to avoid...till this week.

You’ll have some problem for awhile. Then you’ll have another problem for awhile. And you’ll find a third problem. And sometimes, you get a storm cloud where all your damn problems come out at once and you lose a bunch. And then it passes, things get back to normal, and you’re fine. We’re losing. It sucks. It’s hard to watch. It was bound to happen.

Unfortunately, that isn't what most fans are currently thinking. Just spend 10 minutes lurking on a message board. On second thought, if you want to keep your IQ from dropping to Skip Bayless' level, I would advise against viewing message board lunacy.

If you did happen to take a gander, once you look past bad grammar, horrific spelling, avatars with 1280x960 pics, signatures with 50 point fonts, and taking into consideration the mental health of some posters, you'd see some of the most asinine obsevations this side of, well, any message board.

"Carlos (Stonehands) Guillen should be removed as the shortshop! Get someone who can cacth teh ball1!" Brilliant! The odds on Tiger MVP, and a top 5 offensive shortstop, should be moved to DH or 3rd base. In other words, lets get worse at multiple positions by jerking around your best position player.

"Shawne Casey isn't enuff! Dave Dumbrowski should have made the big trade!" Of course, these are the same "Fans" who didn't want Dave Dombrowski to do anything at the trade deadline.

"The Tigers showed no heart against the White Sux! They are playing like they don't care!1! bunch of qwitters!" Pudge Rodriguez sure seemed like he was just going thru the motions in the 8th inning, ya think? He looked like a man without a care in the world...

"Kenny Rogers must be removed from the rotation and replaced with Chad Durbin!" I'm sorry, that wasn't a pissed off fan, that was a columnist. Never mind...

"Maggs and Pudge are teh suck!" Sorry, wrong panic post, that was another columnist...

"We never shoulda released Carlos Pena, he was the lefy bat we needed!" Does that even deserve a reply?

"Todd Jones is the Anti-Christ!" Uh...That was me. I know, I know, stones, glass houses, and all that...

You get my drift. It's been so long since anyone cared about Tiger baseball this late in the season, we've forgotten how to act. Of course, there is an entire generation or three that just don't know how to act.

There was a great comment at MAT by Mike of The Daily Fungo that put the Tigers current trials and tribulations in much needed perspective.

On occasion I’ll look through Sparky Anderson’s 1984 diary “Bless You Boys” to see how the Tigers fared after the 35-5 start. They had several stretches in which they lost both ends of doubleheaders, got swept by bad teams, lost four in a row, let the Blue Jays get too close, etc. Certainly Sparky had his share of ulcers that year but he understood, as Jim Leyland does, that it’s a haul.

It takes an old school fan to bring the logic, which is much more preferable to the current over the top hysterics. People tend to forget that it wasn't all peaches and cream for the '84 Tigers, even after the 35-5 start. There were plenty of times during that glorious season that we fans got uptight. We cursed the dreaded Blue Jays more often than not.

Thing is, back in those crazy 80's, we didn't have the Worldwide Leader, the internets, blogs, message boards, sports talk radio, Wobb Parker, Fox Sports Detroit, and John Kruk fanning the flames of panic. Luckily, we had Ernie Harwell and George Kell around to soothe our frayed nerves. It was a much simpler time, to say the very least. Now? There's just one small Tiger misstep, and within 5 minutes, you can be assured that someone, somewhere will be having a conniption fit. A badly spelled conniption fit...

As for this long time fan, do I want to panic? Deep down inside, there's my inner James T. Kirk Tiger fan that is soooo on edge, ready to violate the prime directive. But I try to emulate Mr. Spock, and let baseball logic rule over my base emotions. And I can't believe I just used a Star Trek: TOS to baseball simile...

Tags: Detroit, Detroit Tigers, MLB, baseball

Guess what? More TWFE housekeeping

I must apologize to my dozens of readers. I'm sorry for the dearth of quality posting this week, save for my Tiger game travelog. Things have been more than a little hectic at TWFE HQ this week. In fact, I'm currently posting from TWFE east side auxillary. It sucks when life gets in the way of bitching about sports.

Not to worry, as things should be back to a semblance of normalcy by tomorrow afternoon. Be that for better or for worse, well, that I have yet to determine...

First off, some sad news. There was an announcement today at KevinAntcliff.com, and it was one that was one we didn't want to hear. KA.com will be going on long term hiatus. As one of his 23 readers, I'm sorry to see him go, as Kevin's blog was one of my inspirations for starting TWFE. But Kevin has legitimate reason for stepping away from KA.com. He is on to bigger and better things, with his new positon as online editor at "Mile High Sports Magazine." Congrats! I hope Kevin still has time to stop by TWFE occasionally...

As I mentioned a few days ago, I will be attending the Lions exhibition game tonight to drink warm, overpriced beer and to check out the latest Lions regime. I'll be the guy starting the "Bring back Wayne" chant sometime in the 3rd quarter. I'll be easy to spot, as I'll be one of the 20K at Ford Field wearing a #20 Sanders jersey.

But...I also have huge blogging news, as there will be an introduction of the sports blogging minds. I plan on meeting frequent TWFE commenter and one of the The Sports Frog's high priests, BrianDTW, at halftime. We plan to have a cold one and to commiserate over the fact that we are dedicated fans of the worst franchise in professional sports. We'll be the guys by the gates in the in Ford Field atrium, crying in our beers, reminising over the best Lions years of our lifetimes, the Wayne Fontes era.

In other TWFE news, I do plan to live blog my attempt to play the "Rod Allen Drinking Game." After making a few adjustments as to drink quanities, of course. I'm still determining what game will work best to insure my survival. Expact an announcment as to game and time soon. I'm looking forward to it, cause it's going to be a train wreck...

After some encouragement from Sweaty Man Ian, I'm also seriously thinking about starting another blog, one that will be 180 degrees in focus as compared to shenanigans here at TWFE. I'm still mulling over the blog details, as it'll be quite personal. You all will be the first to know when it goes live.

Go Lions! Go Tigers! Go away, Big Al!

I guess I'm bad luck

The Tigers lost Tuesday, 4-2 to the Twins, and I'll take responsibility. Deadspin even called the Tigers "Suddenly slumping" this morning after calling for playoff tix to be printed on Tuesday. Again, I'll take the fall. Blame me, blame my family, a pox upon us all.

Still, an enjoyable time was had by all. Remember when I said that I needed to master new technology called a "Box shaped digital pitcure taking thingy?" Well, I should have added "Crappy low end" to the sentence, as this pitcure will attest...



I'm sure you have a couple of questions, and are looking at the screen much as my bro-in-law is looking at the camera...



Big Al, were you drinking?



Uh...Yes. but that's not to blame. I'm sure you're saying that it has to be, as those are awful pics.



See? that one's not quite so bad.



That one is all on the camera. I'd only had a couple of brews. I'm blameless, I tell you!



I see by how you are looking at me, you don't believe me or my story.



Uhh, I found the bricks in front of Nemo's, the bro-in-law's sandals, and my finger utterly fascinating. Really.



My sister always glows fluorescently. Really. She claims she has a "Glow" about her.



So does my other sister. Really. Plus I love folks who wear sacks for hats.



Glad to see that you are happy with my explaination.



I have no explanation for the ugly nature of that pic. I get motion sickness just looking at it.



As further proof, that extreme close-up of a total doofus is actually of me. I look totally stone cold sober, don't I? Damn straight. trust me, I'm much more handsome in person. I'm told the camera adds 10 pounds. And 10 years, from the looks of that pic..

Even though the good guys lost to the bad guys, it was a fun night at the ballpark. Now that the crazy folk in these pics know that I'm planning on attending the blogger game, they all would like to go to that game as well. God help us all...

TWFE will be back tomorrow

As I spent the majority of my day getting poked, explored, and probed, no posting today. Unfortunately, the poking, exploring, and probing was not executed by attractive females, but rather old doctors instead. As you might expect, I'm not in the mood for much more than a cold beer and rooting for the Tigers.

Lousy pictures and general silliness return in full force tomorrow...

Housekeeping...

As if anyone actually cares, following are the upcoming appearances of "The Wayne Fontes Experience."

I'll be at tonight's Tigers game, section 114, and most likely slightly buzzed thanks to a pregame at Nemo's. I also plan on taking lousy pitcures to post on TWFE, if I can figure out that dag gum new technology called a "Box shaped digital pitcure taking thingy."

My season ticket holding bro-in-law needs a drinking buddy, so I will also be appearing at the (I REFUSE to call them "Preseason games.") Detroit Lions exhibition game Friday night. I'll be expecting lousy, boring football, but it's an excuse to drink overpriced, warm beer, which you just cannot pass up... As for where I'll be sitting, I don't know the section as of yet, because I've forgotten which one it is. I'll be seeing said bro-in-law tonight, so I'll have more details to follow. As for pix, depends on how it goes tonight, and that I doubt that I'll have one hand free of beer. To be able to survive a Lions game, exhibition or regular season, Lion fans have become two-fisted drinkers to numb themselves from the inevitable carnage on the field.

If all goes as planned, while at Comerica tonight I'll be also picking up tix for the Speptember 5th Detroit Tigers baseball bloggers outing. Blame Ian for encouraging me to leave the cave that is TWFE HQ, and show my mug in the sunlight. Hopefully I'll be able to round up a couple of tix near where all the cool, popular blogger clique people will be sitting. Odds are I'll be in the Bob Uecker seats...

Death to Comcast! Last night, for some strange reason, the analog cable channels went out during the 5th inning of the Tiger game. But the digital channels were still working fine. Just what I wanted. I could watch all of the Oxygen, CSPAN2, and DIY channels that I wanted, but Fox Sports Detroit? Nope... You want to guess when the analog channels came back? The exact moment the game ended and the Detroit Sports Report came on the air. Nice frigging timing...

Tags: Detroit, Comcast, Detroit Tigers, Detroit Lions

How do you know if you had a good weekend? Just ask the Detroit Tigers

A good weekend? Could it have been any better? For example...

Last at-bat wins are commonplace.

Rally gum actually works.

Justin Verlander's start was skipped, and no one panicked.

Your #7 starter, Wil Ledezma, pitches 5 2/3 shutout innings in Verlander's place.

The Gamber pitched like an All-Star, rather than the Roaster.

David Ortiz, meet Craig Monroe. Just as Ortiz has, Monroe wins 2 games with clutch at-bats.

Todd Jones is the league leader in saves. Todd Jones, the anti-christ, now has fewer blown saves than Jonathan Papelbon.

Your closest pursuer has a winning road trip, yet loses ground in the standings.

Jeremy Bonderman has his worst start in weeks, and you win anyway.

The Mini-coaster, Fernando Rodney, didn't walk anyone in a pressure situation.

Joel Zumaya was Joel Zumaya.

Jamie Walker was Joel Zumaya. Striking out Travis Hafner with the bases juiced?

Brent Cleven is still hitting over .600.

You uneventfully sign your #1 draft pick, Andrew Miller, the consensus #1 college player in the country, who was passed over by 5 teams because he was considered unsignable. Even better, Miller is going to be in the bullpen for the playoff stretch run.

Fans talk about the playoffs being invitable, rather than a pipedream.

It's official. Up is down. White is black. Circle beats the square. Cats and dogs are living together. Todd Jones has become lights out. And the Detroit Tigers still have the best record in baseball. I'm past the point of bemusement when it comes to this team. To say this season is amazing is an understatement.

What more can you say about a Detroit Tigers team that has 2 consequtive last at-bat wins, and then wins a 1-0 pitchers duel? Need to win with the bats? No problem, they find a way to outscore the other team. Bats get shut down? Pitching picks them up. Starters have a bad night? Bullpen to the rescue. Need a game winning hit? Craig Monroe to the rescue.

I was hoping beyond hope hat the Tigers would have a .500 season. Now? I'm pissed if they lose a game. Will wonders ever cease? At this point, I doubt it.

So as I said, the Tigers had a pretty good weekend...

As for bad weekends? Just ask this poor soul about his...


Tags: Detroit, Tigers, Detroit Tigers, MLB, baseball, sports